Soo Nervous and Excited

38 Weeks

I would have to say that being pregnant for the second time is mentally (and in my case physically) harder than the first.  For one I thought I knew everything and then BAM it is nothing like my first!  Clothes don't fit the same, baby is carried differently, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she has hair because my heartburn is enough to write home about.   I've also experienced a ton more Braxton Hicks with this pregnancy than I ever did with N.  And they are not woosie BH either, OMG! They hurt; plus they make me think I'm going into labor every other day (talk about emotional roller coaster!).  I could go on but really why? Baby J is healthy by all signs, Nolan is healthy, can count to 10 and sings a reasonable rendition of the ABC's (although you can't make out all the letters and sometimes "O" finds it's way after "Z").  AND I'm only 7 more days till my due date.  So, Plus, PLUS, PLUS!

Love this pic of N making pizza pitas with me.

I feel ready.   My house is set up and clean; we have food, laundry is done, I'm packed for the hospital, and even my car is clean.  To say I'm excited would be an understatement but there is a competing emotion of nervousness in my heart.  I REMEMBER how painful it was with Nolan.  Even though I really REALLY want to hold my little girl I'm struck with the fear of how painful it is going to be.

Tonight my nervous/ excited heart gets some steroids because tomorrow I'm going into the doctor for my 39th week check up and she is going to do a natural procedure that could, and has been known to, start labor (I'll save you the name because I just think it's sounds gross).   I could be the mother of two by Saturday if not sooner!  But "what if"? What if it doesn't work? I'll be going to church on Sunday with the mantra, "She's easier to take care of this way." as I laugh off my disappointment and try and look at the bright side.  What if it works? I'll be very very uncomfortable for the rest of the day tomorrow and possibly in labor.   Well, I guess the pain has got to happen, so better sooner than later.  Please, pray for me!